Breaker's Encounter

Encounter
As I was thinking back,
back to a day,
it was mid-day,
but the sky was black like midnight.
Seeing a lifeless body impaled by nails
suffering the blast of hell,
caught my attention cause it looked like a blood bath as I
looked past and saw a broken man
soaked in the white hot wrath of God and I asked why.
I found some answers in His bloody face.
A face I began to recognize in the background of every instance of my life, I ignored.
Suddenly sense his spirits presence soothing my rude, rude soul.
Though ruined by the world’s view,
He wooed me,
though crude and without a clue and
screwed up out of my mind
He pursued me ‘til He made me holy.
Whole. 

This weekend is huge in Christianity, but it also was the one history altering event that, only a few other events can also say, has stood the test of time. one event in 6000+ years of history. one event that stands out over all the rest. and that one event was a brutal death. that one event was a torture at the hands of professional killers. that one event was at the expense of the most greatest gift ever given, and I guarantee, Christ wouldnt have had it any other way. 

but where were you during this event? where were you when the sky turned black as midnight at high noon? where were you when the nails were driven and the spear pierced His side? we were there. we watched. in some way we participated. even if it was nothing but our sin that God Himself poured out on Christ, we were there. Christ bore the entirety of all of mankind's sin and grief and pain and confusion and brokenness and bitterness and selfishness and you fill in the blank here, not because He wanted to, but rather He loved us and continues to love us to do it. it is in that bloody face that we find answers. it is in that broken body we find life. it is in that state that He hung on the cross, He came down, and pursued us. He called us by name until we could no longer stand that beautiful sound of His voice, and we turned. though we were so messed up and screwed up and warped and had no direction to go, we turned to Him and accepted His free gift of righteousness and forgiveness, and in the blink of an eye, we became holy. HOLY!!!!!!!! 

you might be asking but wait, why? why would He do this for me? it is simple, He loves you. He loves you so much that He didnt want you to spend all of eternity away from Him, so He came to make a way to make it to heaven. He met with the appointment of death, and instead of stopping at death like everyone else, He blasted straight through, still experiencing death, but then continuing on to make a way through death for us. We still have that appointment, everyone does, but it is what we do now that makes the difference. There is only one thing. It isnt good works, or baptism or going to church or anything else good we might do, no it is accepting that fact that we are all sinners bound towards a sinners hell and not on our way to a perfect heaven. then we must believe that Christ came to died for our individual sins, not the corporate sins(he did but not in dealing with salvation) and that he died for you. He came and died just for you. when you believe that with your heart, you then must confess with your mouth the Lord Jesus and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead. It is then that you are a child of the king, and this isnt a get out of hell free card, but rather an invitation to join Him in communion and fellowship and begin a relationship with Him, because He loves you that much. that is when you are made Holy and Whole!

Breaker's Valley

Valley
Sick and tired.
Trapped
Body wrapped with sharp pain because my
body wasn’t made to contain all this rage.
My mind wasn’t made,
my eyes weren’t made,
my soul was not made to behold what shackles my soul now.
Bound by memories of being innocent,
Uncle sinning against me sexually,
Momma knew he was molesting me, smacking me across my face. I could do nothing.
Pops wasn’t around to give me the time of day.
All I wanted was a time and place where I could be loved.
A hug from my mom was too much.
So I turned to lust on the net while I was
hooked like a fish as I click, click, clicked to watch porn flicks
trying to find intimacy,
or an outlet at least.
But as I try to breathe and be at ease I see my mom in hell and the devil’s breath through the glass pipe.
I’m shattered in a flash. Fright and brokenness is the aftermath.
Brokenness is my aftermath.

how often do we allow the sin in our lives to enslave us, and shackle our souls? how often do we turn to our addictions to allow the pain of that moment to vanish, knowing we have more pain coming? are we that human? or is our faith that weak? is it a combination? often I have found myself turning to addicting sins to grant me some reprieve from the pain in the exact moment. I hate myself for that. I absolutely hate myself for running to something that will only hurt me more, and not turning to the one who loved me enough to come die for me. you see it is in the valley that the only direction I can look is up. because if you look to one side, you see the pools of mud and crap that have formed from the rain, blood, sweat and tears that I have shed over this issue, and if I look to the other side, it is the same thing, even when I look down it is there. it is only when I look up that see my way out.

there is a collection of prayers recorded in a book called The Valley of Vision. it is a collection of Puritan prayers, and to be honest, they are all so convicting, because they had such a huge and awesome view of God, why can't mine be like that? but the opening prayer goes as follows

The Valley of Vision
Lord, high and holy, meek and lowly, Thou hast brought me to the valley of vision, where I live in the depths but see Thee in the heights; hemmed in by mountains of sin I behold Thy glory. Let me learn by paradox that the way down is the way up, that to be low is to be high, that the broken heart is the healed heart, that the contrite spirit is the rejoicing spirit, that the repenting soul is the victorious soul, that to have nothing is to possess all, that to bear the cross is to wear the crown, that to give is to receive, that the valley is the place of vision. Lord, in the daytime stars can be seen from deepest wells, and the deeper the wells the brighter Thy stars shine; let me find Thy light in my darkness, Thy life in my death, Thy joy in my sorrow, Thy grace in my sin, Thy riches in my poverty, Thy glory in my valley.

It is in the valley, looking up, that we have the encounter with the Savior. The only one who can pull us from the blood, tears, crap, and mud, and set us upon a foundation that is like no other. 

Breakers Origin

Over the next 4 days, I am going to take a cd that has really been a huge blessing to me, and share the 4 spoken tracks. The cd is entitled Breaker by For Today, be warned it is a very heavy cd, lots of screamo and hard rock in it, but it is amazing. It shares the story of each of us, crafted into a character named Breaker. I want to share my thoughts about this, about how I am Breaker. The first post is called Breakers Origin

Origin

Fear,
Pain,
Confusion,
Rejection,
Powerless,
Helplessness,
How can I break this cycle of
hopelessness when I’m broken soaked in the spirit of anger.
With the roots of bitterness
rooted in the marrow of my bones,
flourishing through my soul,
oh my soul… 

wow, I cant help but to see me in every single word. how often did I find myself shaking in fear? or writhing in pain? or feeling confused or rejected? or feeling like I cant do anything right? or feeling like I am beyond the grasp of those who want to help? let me tell you what, I have felt all of those during the last 2 months. I screamed to God, how can I break this cycle of hopelessness? how can I break this feeling of not feeling like I am good enough or that I am worth anything? to be honest I have felt like I was not worth anyone's time or trouble. I didn't. but through the grace of an almighty, holy, righteous, awesome, powerful, magnificent God, He allowed those who really love me to gather around me. He brought people, who when this storm broke, I didn't even know, to me, just to love on me. that astounds me.

lets reflect for a second, how often do you find yourself becoming Breaker? how often do you just let yourself wallow when storms hit. I think the answer comes in the last few lines, but especially when it says "rooted in the marrow of my bones, flourishing through my soul". we have allowed Satan to lie to us, and slap us around with thoughts of insecurity, hopelessness, fear, pain, confusion, rejection, etc etc. think about it, how often do we just crumble because we know no other way? the glory of it is that Christ came to save us from that, but that comes in the third post, for we must first realize how broken we are, we must go to a valley to be able to look up.

A Warrior's Strength

A Warrior's Strength. What is that? What is it that drives a warrior to do what he does best? These questions and thoughts have been kicking around in my head for the last couple of months. What is it really that drives me? What drives Ed Dunning? What is that strength that drives me?

I was thinking what is it that I like to do, what is it that I have a desire to do day in and day out. There are many things I like, many things that could potentially define who I am. I mean I like to listen to hard rock and screamo music. I love playing sports. I love to play the piano. I like spending time with friends and watching Top Gear with them. But those things dont define me. They dont. Only 2 things define who I am. The first is me standing in the shadow of the cross of the Savior. Him dying for me is what defines me and defines the decisions I make. The other thing that defines me is exactly that me. I am Ed Dunning, and I do Ed Dunning better than anyone else does Ed Dunning, unless your name is Ed Dunning. You see only 2 things are needed to define me and that is what give me the strength to do what I do.